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Wednesday, December 23, 2015

2015-- A Year full of JOY




2015 could be summed up in one word for Ron and I… JOY… What a year it has been!  Not one we will forget in a long, long time. I decided this year deserved a letter to give you the update!

We began the year with both of our mothers having a health crisis within 5 days of each other. My mom's was minor, but Ron’s mom Shirley was in the hospital for about 2 weeks. She came to stay with us for about a couple weeks and made a miraculous recovery.  We were so joyful when she was able to return home to Great Falls.  She has continued to do well.  We are looking forward to her spending Christmas with us!
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Ron and his mom Shirley
Not long after Shirley returned home, my mom, Joy, had two trips to the ER.  Her doctor recommended hospice as she was really struggling.  She stayed with us and in March decided to move in permanently so we could care for her.  We were so fortunate to have my siblings come stay periodically and a home-nursing group as well as hospice give care in our home.  We did so well that in May, she JOYously graduated from hospice!


In April, we reJOYced when Miss Bethany Annamarie joined Ike and Kathie’s family on Good Friday! We have so enjoyed her. A week later, I celebrated my 60th birthday holding my first grandchild. What JOY!  
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Celebrating my 60th Birthday! 
Bethany has been a JOY to us all. Grandma Joy loved having her come spend her 3 days a week and helped to rock and feed her.   The two had a very special relationship.  Ron and I love having her here--We  fill her days with a daily walk, music, making bread and just enjoying each other..  Ike and Kathie say she’s a TRICK baby…She will trick them into more babies ... so easy and fun!  We hope so, we are looking forward to having a few more grandkids one of these days!
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Grandma Joy and Bethany
In July, we made a JOYful trek to Eastern Washington to celebrate the wedding of our niece Kinsey (my sister Susan’s daughter).  Grandma Joy reveled in being surrounded by her 5 children and their spouses, 13 grandchildren and 13 great-grandchildren. She celebrated her 94th birthday and danced with my brother Joe with her in her wheelchair.  We smiled all weekend!  
Grandma and her family... her comment: "They all came from me!" 
In late August, Grandma Joy went back on hospice. We moved her hospital bed into our living room, and on September 6th, surrounded by family, she “went home” to heaven.  Graveside services for her family were held on September 12th at the Western Montana Veteran’s Cemetery in Missoula where she is buried next to Dad. (Joy's Caring Bridge Site for more info)
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Weeping may endure for the night, but joy cometh in the morning Psalm 30:5


A week later on September 13th, Ron and I celebrated our 40th Anniversary at a friend’s cabin, with some rest and rejuvenation and a few tears.  We are so full of joy to have each other.  
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1975
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2015
We honored mom at her memorial on November 1st, the day after we celebrated my brother Joe’s wedding to delightful Lori on Halloween.  So fun to again be surrounded by family and friends. Erik was able to come home again from Arizona. Mom would have loved it!  She did love a good party! Her memorial was truly a tribute to her life. My sister Jane and I put together a video sharing how she faced adversity in her life. Truly someone we would want to emulate. She is missed!
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Kathie, Ike, Ron, Erik, Nancy with Bethany, Liz, Chris
Our year is ending with a special surprise JOYFUL  engagement of daughter Liz to her good friend Chris Brault.  Liz is going to graduate school at LSU and Chris is going to Law School at Southern University in Baton Rouge, Louisiana We are happy to have them home for the holidays.  
Chris proposing to Liz
Truly a year full of JOY. We are so blessed to be surrounded by friends and family.

May your new year be joyous!

Love,
Ron and Nancy

Friday, May 22, 2015

Mom "Graduates" from Hospice

Today we met with the Hospice Social worker and learned that my mom is "graduating" from Hospice.
Joy Fagenstrom
She no longer meets the criteria to receive their services.

Wow... She's done it again-- made it through another life- threatening illness.

3 months ago, we sat around the same table with the hospice nurse Joe and the social worker and talked about mom getting onto hospice.  Now Hospice to me always seemed to mean that the end was near.. but I guess that's not necessarily so.  Three months ago she  had had  2 trips to the Emergency room and a stay in the hospital within about 3 weeks.  We had just gotten her home, and I was helping her in the bathroom and she went limp on me.  I called Ron and he called 911.  They sent the ambulance and firetrucks with sirens to our house (caused quite a stir in our neighborhood, let me tell you)  The two trips to the ER amounted to sitting in an ER room, mom being poked and prodded with basically the same info back-- she is probably having TIA's (mini strokes) and there's really nothing they can do for her, she will most likely have another episode.

When those emergency folks came into mom's room (after Ron and I carried her there), she gradually came around.  As we stood there, they asked what we wanted to do, one of them suggesting that we again take her to the ER.  At that point I looked at Ron and said "No, we are staying here."  They had us sign some papers and they left. After they left, Ron and I asked mom- what did she want us to do? Did she want to go back to the hospital, or if she was to die, did she want to be right here in our house.  She told us she didn't want to go back to the hospital.

Ron  then called mom's doctor and the nurse called back suggesting that she make a referral to hospice.  Not only did they make the referral, but the nurse and social worker  from Partners in Home Care showed up at our house within 2 hours of the phone call.  What a difference that made.  We brought mom out to the table, I still remember her sitting there, very confused, her hair messy and barely with us.  She was able to answer questions as we filled out the PULST (a form to use in emergencies that tells what her wishes are) They got us connected with a home health aide 2 days a week to give her a bath, a massage therapist 1 day a week, weekly nurse visits, medication management,  and a volunteer periodically to come help provide respite. (all these services are covered by Medicare)   Nurse Joe would come once a week- check on her and help problem solve issues.  One of the first things we did was take her off coumadin .. and soon after take her off the blood pressure medicine.  Her med list has been reduced to two meds (from many).  She struggled with constipation (I found out later she had been struggling with it for a while) and with Nurse Joe's help- she is more regular than she's been in years!   A small thing, but still a huge thing for her.   The other big plus was that we never have to call 911 again, we call the hospice number and they come help us out.  That was huge for us.

Nurse Joe's weekly visits have been invaluable.  As issues have come up, he has helped us problem solve them and mom's life has gotten progressively better.  We still struggle with her waking up at night to go to the bathroom  (which she doesn't even remember) but she now uses a bell to tell me she needs assistance, and we added a monitor that connects her room and ours so we hear her  ringing the bell, moving around or locking and unlocking the brakes on her walker.

Now, Mom is pretty independent in our house.  She is more alert and able to get herself to and from the bathroom without assistance.  We found a great resource called Home Instead that has caregivers who come into our home on a daily basis for an hour in the morning.  Help her get up, get dressed, get breakfast and do some household chores so Ron and I can get our daily walk and time away from the house.

Ron and I have gotten into a rhythm.  Being retired is very helpful, we can basically do this care as well as having the opportunity to do childcare for our new granddaughter Bethany two days a week.

So... mom graduates from Hospice.  What does that mean?  We will hire someone through Home Instead two more days a week to help with showering and she will have to pay for medications and other services.  If she does have an episode,  we can choose not to call 911 and call her doctor and if need be, get back onto Hospice.  But for now... we are settled in and so thankful for the supports we do have- including my siblings, our kids and our church family.  So... Hospice was there when we needed it... and we are thankful!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Moms and grandkids

I started this blog a couple of years ago, but couldn't decide what to write about.  Nothing about my life seemed particularly interesting or worth reading about... so I stopped writing. 

In one year, my life has moved from being totally focused on education and professional development... to now having my mom live with us full time and caring for my new granddaughter 2 days a week... what a change live has brought us... and such a blessing.

Recently my friend Kathleen, suggested that I try writing a blog around what is happening with my life.  I retired September 1st from the field of education, thinking that I probably would want to do something with education...  Well the Teacher Retirement system basically said- take a 150 day break from doing education... hmmm so now what?  Whatever it was, I decided I wanted to make a difference. 

My mom with great- granddaughter Bethany
Well I'm thinking the good Lord had plans for me.  I spent much of my time in the fall doing things with my church, learning how to create and edit websites (check out www.marksmac.com and www.imluchurch.org)   I also took on a project of making short videos -- mostly for church but a few of my own... which was fun.  

Since December- life has changed radically.  Within a week, both my mother and mother-in-law had strokes... and in April my beautiful granddaughter Bethany was born.   I talk about becoming the Granny Nanny or is it the Nanny for the Grannies?  Either way,  I have had the opportunity to team up with my wonderful husband Ron and provide care for both mothers and our granddaughter.  I think I've heard that we are the sandwich geneadsfration and we were reading in AARP that 42 million Americans are caretakers for their parents.  So.. we aren't alone. At any rate..  maybe there is a story to tell.. maybe others who will identify with me...  maybe a way to share a story and resources and ideas for how to provide quality life for our parents and grandkids..